How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
