as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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