Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
