Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He felt like a one man threesome
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
