Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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