she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
