What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
