I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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