Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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