I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
