I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
