no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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