we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
