There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
