lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
