It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Congratulations! We have a period
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