my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
