the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
