her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
