She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
