a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Panties = found
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
