We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
