This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
