i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
