turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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