the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
her vagine was all disorganized.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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