Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
