You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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