Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
