How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
