butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
