We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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