You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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