He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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