his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
