Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
