I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
