Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I sprained my soul last night
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
