I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
