This is not my ceiling
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
