Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
