addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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