So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
