I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
