He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
