Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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