Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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