I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
