If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
