He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
