Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
