I understand Curling. That high.
He passed out mid-signature
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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